All India Bakchod 'Roasted'

I am not writing this because like most I must have an opinion too regarding AIB ROAST. I am writing this because ever since I saw the episodes on the day of the release, something about it has been troubling me. Please remember, that very evening, there was no controversy. So clearly I was not affected by external reasons. I didn’t clearly know if I was offended and honestly I did not even think enough about being so. I laughed a lot. I thought it was mostly very funny, I thought it was courageous of celebrities to participate in something that’s been essentially underground. But something remained with me. Something uncomfortable. I didn’t and couldn’t figure what. The next day the controversy erupted when a lot of people found it offensive.

So, what is ‘offensive’? Dictionary says Offensive is ‘Causing someone to feel upset, resentful or annoyed’. So obviously, going by the protests, written or otherwise, some people are ‘offended’. No two ways about it. Like I said I wasn’t sure if I personally was offended, more about  my personal feelings later because I have now figured them.

The first question first. What is AIB? The full form is All India Backchod. Backchod is a commonly known and used slang and it harmlessly means ‘Meaningless talk’. One sample use would be “Come home this evening, we will hang and do some Bakchodi”. Let’s not miss the fact Bakchod includes another slang CHOD that means ‘to fuck’ and obviously it is a very popular slang it is like potatoes of slangs, you can use it anywhere. Examples would be Madar’chod’, Behen’chod’ etc etc. By the way Behenchod and its varied usage as a slang is something one could write a separate blog on. That later, if at all.  

So essentially if you divide Bakchod into two words it is Bak and Chod. Bak is a slang for Hindi word ‘Wakya’ which means a ‘Sentence’ but Bak is also used as ‘Bakna’ which means ‘Saying meaningless sentences’. So basically Bakchod means ‘Fucking with meaningless Sentences’.

Now All India Bakchod is a homegrown Adult show on the web. While we are at it let’s also understand the relevant meaning of ‘Adult’ here. Adult in legal terms means 18 years and 21 years or whatever. Adult also is a censorship certificate in India. Incidentally Censor Certification does not apply to web content. Why? Well that is another discussion. So AIB is an Adult web show in India, possibly the most popular web show in India.

Just an aside, India has a long tradition of telling adult jokes verbally and since the advent of computers and cellphones people also share Adult jokes via emails, text messages, whatsapps and BBMs. It is irrelevant to say that BBMs are not much in use these days. Whatsapp is more ‘in’.  Having said that, there is no clarity on the legality of the consumption of such jokes.

So AIB, after having gained much popularity and even a sponsorship from a ‘legal’ company decided to organize a ‘ground event’ that would also feature some serious Bollywood stars. The show would be called ‘AIB Roast’. It was to be on the lines of ‘Comedy Central Roast’ that started in the US in the late 90s and was aired on Comedy Central Cable TV Network. As the name suggests, Celebrities were ‘Roasted’ on these comic acts.

So AIB Roast was doing the same and quite a few celebrities agreed to be roasted and also to witness the roast. It was organized, advertised on Book My Show, FB and a host of other platforms. Tickets were sold and reportedly 4000 people attended the show in Worli.

Let us talk about the Ground event now. For any ground event in India you need a set of permissions from the Local Administration. Did the organizers get those permissions? I don’t think they would be able to go through such a big event without the requisite permissions. So I am suspecting the application did say the name of the show AIB ROAST if not an All India Bakchod event. Now AIB ROAST doesn’t say anything about the event at all. It could mean a cookery show with Turkeys. So I am also suspecting that the concerned authorities asked more about the show. If they didn’t, why? If they did, did the organizers lie? If they did, unfortunately they will be booked. But to my knowledge, the ground event did not offend anyone at all. It is the You Tube episodes.

The live show was also shot and put on the web in three episodes. Everything went fine until some to begin with and then a lot of people got ‘offended’. Then obviously the administration got offended and now some legal action is in process against the organizers, the participants and some celebrity audience. I am really intrigued why book only the celebrity audience why not all. Let us be clear about one fact that none of the participants or the audience is reported to be offended unless I am ignorant. So, the offended community is the people who saw it on You Tube.

I have some questions here. You can’t accidentally get in to an AIB video. If you type AIB in the search bar on You Tube, it clearly announces ALL INDIA BAKCHOD. If you are the offended types the name itself should offend you. Why did you play the video? Let me give you a personal example. I, unfortunately very often on FB these days, chance upon videos of beheadings by the ISIS. The post tells me what it is and I invariably delete that content from my timeline without watching it. Because I know it will offend me for sure. You possibly can’t go in to figure let me see ‘how offensive’ can this be and then get offended and then complain. The show is called ALL INDIA BAKCHOD for God’s sake and it will obviously get worse inside. And if I remember correctly, the video started with a clear disclaimer that lasted long enough for you to stop the video and exit unlike those speeded up audio disclaimers at the end of Mutual Fund Ads. They are over before you can hear them. So the answer is DON’T WATCH IT if you are prone to getting offended by such humor. And before I conclude I don’t think there is anything wrong with getting offended by such humor. It is your belief system and I respect it. I remember reconnecting with an old friend Parvez after twenty years. After a couple of connecting emails I ended up mailing him an adult joke like good old days when we were twenty, and he responded by saying that he didn’t enjoy those jokes any more. I apologized and never sent him those jokes again. We are still great friend and he continues to deliver lectures on religion all across the globe. So there is evidence of people moving on from such humor and that is perfectly fine. But a video titled All India Bakchod should not be opened by Parvez. I hope he hasn’t. At least he should stop at the warning in the beginning. No? Different kinds of material offend people; I get offended by the live telecast of some of our parliament sessions. Specially the ones when they throw mikes at each other. Imagine the kind of impact that it can have on our children. But we telecast those on national TV. I don’t know if that should be termed as Adult content because younger ones can lose faith in parliamentary democracy after seeing that.

The humble point that I am making is who will decide what is offensive. Of course there is a Censor Board that monitors/regulates and certifies material that will go on public platforms that are endorsed by the Government besides the point that their guidelines need to be relooked at. So a ground event attended by consenting adults can’t offend anybody. It clearly didn’t. The You Tube version of it had a clear warning that the material could offend some. What I am insisting on is ‘If you know you are getting in to an AIB video clip, you should know it could be offensive for you. Then my question is why did you watch it? Why did you stop in the first instance of offense? Were you enjoying watching the whole show and getting upset that how can someone make it? Were you getting upset at every offensive instance and still going through it? In that case ask yourself would you still be half as offended if there were no celebrities involved. So is the question about celebrities endorsing an offensive act? Because if it is not about celebrities, trust me there are gazillion You Tube video clips that are extremely offensive and no one ever complained about those. You haven’t seen them? Look for them.

The problem here is that the event involved stars. That makes it two problems. One. These are stars and if I catch them on the wrong foot I will sound right. Two. Indian society worships their stars and gets offended to see them do any wrong. In that case my friend this is a choice that the stars made. They are intelligent enough to realize that in the process that they could lose some of their fans or who knows may be gain some. But this is STRICTLY their choice. The best or the worst that you can do about it is to stop liking them. I don’t know what is illegal about it UNLESS there were issues with the requisite permissions with the ground event.

I rest my case.

Oh yes what was troubling me? I thought it was very, very, very funny. Before I tell you my issue you must remember that I come from a middle class family in Benaras. I need to tell you one small episode from my life to tell you where I come from. My first night in BOMBAY I had the privilege of having a drink with Javed Akhtar Sb. In the society that I come from you don’t drink or smoke in front of elders besides the point that you can have a pan with tobacco with them. Quite paradoxical I know, like our society. So my first night in BOMBAY (That gives me 2 occasions to use this name) I drank with Mr Akhtar but I drank in a steel glass while everyone had regular whiskey glasses. It is some sort of a ‘parda’. Enough of my background the only thing that really made me uncomfortable in those episodes was the presence of some mothers. Had I seen these episodes on my first night in Bombay (Third ;-) instance) I would be uncomfortable about the presence of women there too. But it has been two decades and I have moved on (I am not saying moved ahead) from those issues. May be another decade later I will not have a problem with the presence of mothers there too and I will endorse Zakka Jacob when he says ‘Some men like to have sex with men, and if their mothers don’t have a problem with it, why should you…’

Still Before Movie Making Became Tough

I feel blessed to have been directing actively through three entirely different eras of movie making. I suspect and hope soon I will see a fourth one. Which will be far more organic and ‘film friendly’ than what it is today.

Those were the days when one of the important questions a Producer asked a Director before he signed him on was “How many cans will you shoot?” A can used to be 400 ft of film and could cost Rs 8000 to Rs 12000. Good and efficient Directors would finish shooting a film in 500 cans. Number of cans weighed heavily on the budget of the film and was watched keenly every day by the Producer. I distinctly remember two Directors who did not think much of this tradition. Shashi Lal Nair, on the sets of ANGAAR once shouted ‘Raw stock is the cheapest commodity in film making’. He was right in a lot of ways. And then one Director, who has only made masterpieces, well mostly, Rajkumar Santoshi, came to be known as a Director who redefined raw stock consumption. But he only delivered blockbusters so the Producers were fine. Those were the days. There were some lucky Directors who started Directing on a video format called LOW BAND. It did not have much depth, just enough to capture the depth of the story. We did fine with those. I think the legendary TV shows Ramayan and Mahabharat were shot on Low Band. I remember there used to be a curfew like situation countrywide every time those shows aired. Early nineties they created Hi Band. It was virtually upper class Low Band. This was the time when Doordarshan briefly went commercial and started something called DD Metro. It did well until they shut it down. Personally I got my break as a Director on that channel. Today it sounds cheesy and corny but the show I was assisting on flopped right after it started. It was called AB AAYEGA MAZAA. Of course the MAZAA never came and then we were left with six more episodes to be shot just to honor the contract. A fall guy was needed. I begged to be one and became one. I Directed those six episodes and put in my papers to my Boss Pankuj Parashar. That is the cleverest thing I have done in my life.

By then they had started a new format called Betacam.  Right then a friend with fifty thousand Rupees to spare, developed some sort of confidence in me. Those were the days of TV pilots. A pilot was typically the first episode of a TV show that you had in your head or at best on paper. The system was to ‘make’ the first pilot episode and do the rounds of various channels to get commissioned for the rest of the episodes. 90% of the pilots then, did not make it to the ‘silicon screen’. SHIKAST was the name of the serial we invested in. Sourabh Shukla and I wrote it. The first phone call I made was to Mr. Shammi Kapoor. I was an audacious man. Audacity, to me, is the most precious virtue. You should be smart enough to tell between audacity and stupidity. There is a very thin line between the two. So think before you jump the gun. Shammi Ji was a great admirer of this virtue and chose to be a part of my adventure. Rest of the cast was friends. Later they would be big shining stars of the silver screen. Manoj Bajpayee, Ashish Vidyarthi, Milind Gunajee, Ashutosh Rana, Kittu Gidwani, Raj Zutshi  and many more. I was friends with this shy, quiet composer from Delhi who had done some advertising work for me. We would hang out together, drink and eat and think of working together. Vishal Bhardwaj was just a composer then with no ambition to Direct that I knew or he shared. He was close to Gulzar Sahab even then. In my audacious pursuits I wanted a published poem by him to be in the Credit sequence of the Pilot. Vishal took me to him thinking we will convince him on a good price. Bhai told me to come back after making the pilot. He would see it and decide if he would let me use the poem. I made the pilot and the audacious instincts were still alive and kicking. I went to Naseer bhai. Yes, Nseeruddin Shah. I honestly do not remember how I ever met him first. But I do remember I used to hang out on his sets. Those days sets were less professional and more personal. Today sets are compartmentalized in to vanity vans. The first Vanity van was created by well deserving Mr Bachchan followed by Anil Kapoor. They get vanity vans even for Assistant Directors these days. Call me old fashioned but these vanity vans do more harm than they serve.  A set is a place where you get to spend time with people with amazing skill sets. It could be acting, art direction, lighting, costume designing or whatever. These days it is way more professional. People come and do their jobs on the shot and go back to their vanity vans. However it is not besides the point that now we take way more number of days to complete a film.

I wanted Naseer Bhai to recite the poem for the title sequence of my pilot. He enquired about Bhai’s permission and I honestly told him I would use it only if Bhai approved it. Look at this naïve boy who didn’t realize he was talking about dumping Naseeruddin Shah’s Narration to Naseeruddin Shah. Look at the love for work, that Naseer Bhai Still chose to dub it.  Gulzar bhai left Rekha and me on the ground floor of Boskiyana and went upstairs to watch the pilot on a VHS not before sending Kiyani biscuits and Tea for Rekha and me. Kiyani Bisuits from Pune still used to be as good. I am a foodie and I loved those biscuits but Rakha and I were only discussing how much will bhai ask for. He finally came back, gave me a hug and said “Very well done. This is your struggle, and this poem is my contribution to it”. This is the most wonderful sentence anybody has ever said to me. As wonderful as my son saying ‘I love you’.

Honestly I didn’t think of Naseer bhai at that point at all. Now I do. What a gesture to drive down from Perry Cross Road to Khar on a Sunday morning to dub a poem for almost a stranger without knowing if the stranger will ever make anything out of it. I did. My love and gratitude to Naseer Bhai.  Little late but nevertheless. 

The pilot was screened for friends that I loved and respected. We had a wonderful response. I have never told Tishu (Tigmanshu Dhulia) that the hug he gave me after watching that pilot was the most satisfying feelings that year.  Actually there was another one that ran close. I had an assistant called Govind and the protagonist of SHIKAST was Vinit. I know this sounds disjointed but wait. Vinit epitomizes everything that describes Bihar. There was no Jharkhand then. Vinit called me one Sunday morning on my home number. There were no Cell Phones then. Groggily I answered the phone and Vinit announced “Haan… Vinit bol rahe hain, lo baat karo’. Another man took the phone and said ‘Haan Anubhav Govind bol raha hun’. It woke me up. How come Govind my assistant called me by my first name?  Now you see the connection? It wasn’t that Govind I soon realized “Govind Nihlani. What a wonderful pilot you have made. I love it”. Some sentences you can vividly hear years after they are spoken. This was one of those. The pilot got a buyer and just then world had upgraded Beta cam to Digibeta and my Producers decided to let me shoot on Digibeta.

There used to be a TV software company called UTV. They made small game shows like ‘Snakes and ladders’ etc. One ex theater guy named Ronnie Screwwalla ran the company. This was the fastest growing TV Production company in town. Ronnie was this suave, smooth, visionary entrepreneur. They called me once to direct a show for them. They wanted me to go meet them. I wasn’t an arrogant man. May be I was. I said I didn’t want to do game shows. Those were the days when you didn’t give a damn and did what you wanted to do. The man on the other side convinced me for the meeting saying they wanted to discuss a big fiction show with me. 

To Be Continued.....

Making Films In Bollywood Was So Easy Then

Making Films In Bollywood Was So Easy Then

When I came to Bombay Dec 4, 1990 I didn’t know Andheri East from West. Did not have a telephone number that I could call, besides my friend Virendra Saxena (The Actor) who was kind enough to allow me to share his roof. I wanted to make films. Those days the only man who made films in the city was Mr. Mahesh Bhatt. His cream color Maruti 800 number BLN 50 (Pl excuse my fetish for numbers) would travel  from ‘Dil hai Ke manta nahin’  to ‘Sadak’ to ‘Saathi’ during a single day. Vikram Bhatt was first aide on one film Salil Verghese on another one and so on.  Pooja Bhatt would sometimes show up riding pillion on Hamara Bajaj with Robin Bhatt. Yes she was still the heroine of the film. His sets would have more visitors than the crew itself. I was one of those, for months. Four months. For sure, until I got a job elsewhere.  Not to forget a great meeting with just Mr. Bhatt and me at his house. That meeting in another blog though. I remember Mr. Bhatt telling someone one day, ‘People don’t come to see me; there is a rare white pigeon on my shoulder. They come to meet that pigeon. Some day this pigeon will be on another shoulder then these same very people will go there. Fortunately for Mr. Bhatt that white pigeon continues to sit there. On his terms. 

Working in Bollywood was tough then. There was only Bollywood in Bombay. There was No ZEE TV then forget SONY or STAR. Internet was almost Sci-Fi. So if you had to work it had to be the movies. No Less.  Those were the days when people cried when they said roll camera the first time. I did. It was tough to make movies then. You had to be an assistant first. I know of people who worked as assistants for two decades and still never got to make a film. These days kids get restless in six months. After being an assistant for so long you had to have a story and once you had a story you needed to have an appointment. An appointment with a person who would believe in you. It could be a Star or a Producer. Yes Stars were this powerful even then, just that the Producers had a little more say in the film.  The bad news was that Bollywood didn’t make as many films every year then, so the chances of making a film were even slimmer. It was tough. Damn tough.

There were no video assists. You would see what you shot only a couple of days later. Until then? Nothing. Every time a shot got over, the Director looked at the cameraman. When he said okay the Director would move on to the next. Such was the trust. Such were the relationships. These days it is simpler; you see the shot on a monitor as it is canned. The bad news is that there are a number of people sitting behind you. The number of people of course depends on how big your movie is and how many stars are in it and of course each one has an opinion. At least one. Even worse, you can’t reject them.

It was the 1991 Iraq war that brought Cable TV to India. Cable News Network it was called, rightfully. CNN. Until then it was only DD and Krishi Darshan. Then came ZEE, then SONY then STAR and then a plethora of entertainment software ran through a weird maze of white cables that suspended from one rooftop to the other. These cables were the arteries of so many careers that would be built over the next two decades. TARA was the first Super Hit show on ZeeTV. Navnit Nishan, a very dear friend from NSD became the first Satellite TV celebrity in India. She didn’t know what hit her. From various film assignments to appearances to endorsements to a wide range of new career avenues. That was the beginning of the ease of making movies. Not movies necessarily but yes, thereabouts.  

Personally I started my Directing career with some episodes of Yule Love Stories on ZEE TV in 1993.  Around the year 1995 the world of music videos were opening up. A beautiful Boutique Music Label and Sonu Nigam gave me my break in to the world of music videos with ‘Tu”. Of course a few videos later I was virtually bought over by Bhushan Kumar at T-series who turned me in to what media called a Music Video Mughal.  Yes I did over a hundred music videos over a period of three years. It was one of those video shoots that I received a call from Bhushan asking me if I wanted to make a film. It was that simple. The only condition was that the film should have ten plus songs. I loved music. I still do. I agreed but for reasons still unknown to me I wanted to make my debut with rank new comers. Tum Bin released on the same Friday with a magnum opus AKS that features the great Mr. Bachchan (Who I still yearn to work with) and my dear dear friend, and then a new star on the horizon Manoj Bajpayee. Tum Bin received great acclaim and success for a film with five debutants including your truly. A year later at his house Salman Khan with his inimitable sniff asked me the names of the stars that refused to be a part of Tum Bin. It was his way of saying he had loved the film. It was that simple. Eleven years after I came to Bombay I had managed to make the film that even Salman Khan had seen and liked. It was that simple.

Twenty-four years since I came to Bombay it is tough again. Very Very tough.

To be continued…..

बम्बई मेरी जान

काफी समय बाद, बतौर निर्देशक, एक  ऐसी फिल्म पर काम कर रहा हूँ जो पूरी की पूरी बम्बई में है। राज भाई माफ़ करें, पर औपचारिक भाषा में मुंबई ही कहता हूँ।  दफ्तर वालो ने बजट पर सतही काम शुरू कर दिया है। लगातार एक ही सुझाव आ रहा है की शूटिंग बम्बई के बाहर करेंगे। मैं थोड़ा परेशान हूँ की फिल्म बम्बई के बारे में है तो बम्बई के बाहर कैसे शूट करेंगे? अब प्रोडक्शन वाले भी समझदार हो गए हैं, "चीट करेंगे न सर",  'ज़ीरो डार्क थर्टी' पाकिस्तान मे थोड़ी न शूट हुई है, चंडीगढ़ में हुई।  क्या सर आपको सिखाएंगे हम? पूना में शूट करते हैं, थोड़ा बहुत जो चीट करना असंभव है वो कर लेंगे यहां।  मैं परेशान हूँ कि ऐसा क्यों? तो जवाब सिर्फ एक है, "सर मुश्किल होता जा रहा है बम्बई में शूट करना, स्टूडियो के अंदर  फिर भी मैनेज हो जाता, पर सड़क पर नहीं सर, अपनी पूरी पिक्चर सड़क पे है।" 
जो बम्बई के रहने वाले हैं वो शायद नहीं समझेंगे की हम इमिग्रेंट्स के लिए बम्बई शेहेर नहीं है, बम्बई एक सपना है, एक छलावा है, एक रोमांस है, एक वादा है, एक जीत है, एक आग़ोश है, एक तमाचा है।  जाने क्या क्या है।  अभी घर पहुंचा तो 'मस्ती' चैनल पर पुराने गाने आ रहे थे।  शम्मी जी कुछ बच्चों के साथ एक कार में 'चक्के में चक्का' गा रहे थे मरीन ड्राइव पर।  और फिर फ़ौरन बाद अमित जी और मौसमी जी उन्हीं सड़कों पर 'रिम झिम गिरे सावन' गाते दिखे।  हमारे लिए बम्बई वो थी, जहां शम्मी कपूर रहते थे, जहां अमिताभ बच्चन रहते थे।  हमारे लिए वो सपना था एक।  शायद फिल्मकार बनने की जड़ें उन्हीं कुछ छवियों से बनीं, सो कहता हूँ कि बम्बई शेहेर नहीं है हमारे लिए। रोमांस है। इस शहर ने  हमारे जीवन की दिशा बदली है।  कम से कम मेरी तो शर्तिया।  इसी लिए जब राज भाई 'बम्बई' बोलने का विरोध करते हैं तो बुरा लगता है। नहीं कोई ईगो प्रॉब्लम नहीं है, 'मुक्तसर सी बात है, बम्बई से प्यार है' मुंबई में तो रहते हैं हम। 
बहारहाल, बम्बई बाहर वालों के लिए मरीन ड्राइव थी या नाज़ कैफ़े जहां से मरीन ड्राइव दिखता था।  'ऐ दिल है मुश्किल' में भी थोड़े से वी टी स्टेशन और मरीन ड्राइव ही हैं सिर्फ। धीरे धीरे बम्बई का विस्तार हुआ और बात आगे उत्तर की तरफ बड़ी और मुकुल आनंद के आते आते हाजी अली दरगाह तक पहुँची। अब हमारा बम्बई दर्शन थोड़ा ज़्यादा होता था। विनोद की 'परिंदा' में दक्षिण मुंबई में बाबुलनाथ मंदिर की सीढ़ियां थीं तो ऐनटॉप हिल की पानी की टंकी के ऊपर जैकी श्रॉफ की एंट्री। बम्बई बढ़ रही थी वास्तव में भी और हमारी कल्पनाओं में भी।  फिर बात बांद्रा में माउंट मैरी की सीढ़ियों तक पहुँची और फिर जुहू सर्कल और जाने क्या क्या।
दिल्ली- बम्बई राजधानी पकड़ने की जल्दी में भी मंडी हाउस चौराहे पर दोस्तों को अलविदा कहने के लिए ऑटो रोका।  सब ने हिदायतें दीं, 'एन के' ने तो यहां तक कहा की मत जा।  पर मैं तय कर चुका था. मैं और मेरा बजाज डी इ वी  २४३२ बम्बई जा रहे थे।  एक बात जो आज तक शायद किसी से कही नहीं, जब पहली बार बम्बई आया था न, तो सच बता रहा हूँ बम्बई एक दम वैसी थी जैसे मेरी कल्पनाओं में थी, उतनी ही सुन्दर, उतनी ही शांत, उतनी ही प्रेमिका सी उतनी ही दिलदार उतनी ही बेदिल। कभी लगता पूरी तरह समझ आ गयी और कभी लगता कि है कौन ये।
कुल मिला के बात ये कि बम्बई से रिश्ता लोगों का फिल्मों के ज़रिये है और रहेगा।  जैसा कि कहा मैंने, ये मुल्क़ का इकलौता शहर है शायद, जो शहर कम दोस्त ज़्यादा है, दुश्मन ज़्यादा है।  बम्बई शहर कम इंसान ज़्यादा है। 
बतौर फिल्मकार और बतौर दर्शक एक दर्द हुआ आज और तय किया कि इस बारे में कुछ कहा जाय। आखिरी बार कब देखा था कि सड़क पर शूटिंग हो रही है? कितने लोग जुहू सर्कल से गुज़रते हुए ये जानते हैं कि वहाँ  एक सर्कल था जहां दर्ज़नों गाने शूट हुए हैं।  शाह रुख के जीवन का पहला हिट गाना वहीँ शूट हुआ था 'कोई न कोई चाहिए प्यार करने वाला' ।  मैंने खुद कई सालों से वहाँ कुछ भी शूट होते नहीं देखा।  सच कह रहा हूँ अब बम्बई में फिल्में कम शूट हो रही हैं। ये एक दौर है कि जब बम्बई की शकल बदल रही है।  अट्टालिकाएं बन रही हैं, मेट्रो, मोनोरेल, बांद्रा कुर्ला काम्प्लेक्स और जाने क्या क्या। ये सब हमारे आने वाले वक़्त में इस शहर की तारीख में दर्ज़ होना चाहिए।
किसी की शिकायत करने के लिए नहीं लिख रहा हूँ पर ये वो बात है जो कहे बिना रहा भी नहीं जा रहा।  सडकों पर शूटिंग के लिए रिश्वत पहले भी दी जातीं थीं, यूनियन पहले भी थीं, जूनियर आर्टिस्ट पहले भी होते थे हाँ सियासी पार्टियों का दखल नहीं था पहले अब है। जाने क्यों, कुछ आसान कर देते तो समझ में आता, और मुश्किल  कर दिया है। बेहद मुश्किल। पैसे सब कमाएं पर इस शेहेर का नुक्सान न करें।  बम्बई की पहचान फिल्मों से है और फिल्मों की पहचान बम्बई से है।  दोनों को एक दूसरे को ज़िंदा रखना होगा। विश्व भर में इतने बड़े शहरों में फिल्म कमिशन्स होते हैं, एक व्यावसायिक तरीका होता है शूटिंग को आसान बनाने का।  वो स्वागत करते हैं कि उनके शहरों में फिल्में शूट की जांय। यहाँ इस शहर में किसी को पड़ी नहीं है।  सिर्फ इतना है कि आज की शूटिंग से दस हज़ार रुपये कैसे ऐंठ लिए जांय। अपने ज़मीर का तो नुक्सान कर ही रहे  हैं आप अपने शहर का भी कर रहे हैं। मेरी गुज़ारिश है उन सभी लोगों से जो इस विषय में मदद कर सकें तो अवश्य करें।  मेरी कहीं दरकार हो तो अवश्य आवाज़ दें। 
एक छवि जो भूल नहीं सकता बम्बई के मुतल्लिख, मेरे अज़ीज़ सुधीर मिश्रा की 'धारावी' से।  एक संकरी सी सड़क पर भागता लड़खड़ाता ऊँट जो सड़क पर गिर कर दम तोड़ता है और एक आवाज़ जो कहती है " ये रेगिस्तान का जानवर, समंदर के पास पता नहीं क्या करने आ जाता है". जी,  बम्बई में ऊँट भी होते थे। अब नहीं होते।  खैर हो बॉलीवुड  की कि बात दर्ज़ हो चुकी है। 
पुनःश्च: मेरे मित्र अजय ब्रह्मात्मज का फ़ोन आया था पिछले ब्लॉग के पश्चात।  कहा की लिख रहे हैं ये सराहनीय है, पर पत्रकारों सा न लिखें, व्यक्तिगत लिखें।  प्रयास किया है

Combating a Monster

As Published in MID DAY as a Guest for the Column 'The Director's Cut'

Strictly speaking it is not a Director’s domain but I must say this in a column called The Director’s Cut because I need to say this. I am talking about a new monster called P&A. In industry parlance it is ‘Print and Advertising’ cost incurred to release a film. This monster came in to being in the last ten years, or thereabouts. Not that this segment of investment did not exist earlier but never did it match Jurassic sizes.

So once you have finished making your beautiful film, it is time to take it to the consumer, the audience. You have to grab their attention.  You have to catch their fancy, you have to pull them out of their homes in to the theaters, no matter how. How do you do that? There are 300 TV channels, almost as many radio stations, may be more publications, fancy billboards and blah blah blah. The Producer and the Distributor write the cheques and buy as much as suits them. Sometimes even more than what suits them. But then that’s their choice. All good and fair thus far? No. Here is the BIG PROBLEM.

On an average films spend anywhere between Rs 5Cr to 20 Cr towards the P&A. Let me say this again, a little differently. You need a minimum of Rs 5Cr for P&A for your film to be barely noticed by the audience. So even if you have made a film for 2 Cr, you need an additional 5 to make sure people just about know it is releasing or you may get lost in a way more elaborate campaign of a way larger film. Nothing against large films, I am myself responsible for, or some may say guilty of, Directing one of the largest films ever. The question I am asking is different.

Should the smaller films be fighting the same battle? Yes they too are fighting to reach out to the same audience as the big ones? Yes they too need to be on the same platforms as the big ones shouting for attention. If they don’t, there is no way on earth they will be noticed. So, will the small film become redundant in times to come? Because even a 3 crore film will end up costing 8. 

So to just build an example what if there is this beautiful little film made for 2 Cr. This does not even aspire to make 20 at the Box Office it just aspires to make 2.25. But the tragedy is that it is forced to make 8 in order to survive or else no one will ever know if it ever released. The question is, if the Indie film is fighting a fair battle? The bigger question is how long before the real independent films lose courage. Of course there is that independent cinema coming out of the small films wing of the studios I call them the ‘Alternate Studios’. But I personally feel, films from those ‘Alternate studios’ end up speaking the same Studio language in a different accent. And I am not being qualitatively judgmental here. I only mean that the alternate studios end up fighting the 8 Cr battle instead of the 2.25 Cr battle with the only difference that they have that 5 Cr muscle others may not.

Of course giving ‘reservations’ to the indie films is no solution. I say ‘reservations’ because it is so relevant today and will be better comprehensible. I am not saying give better rates to Indie films for TV advertising. Then we will all be fighting a different battle. What I am probably asking is, do big films need to promote so much. Will an A list film have any less traction if they were to spend any less on their promotions? Can we bring the P&A scale down in a uniform manner? Then a big film will spend 7 Cr on P&A and an Indie film will spend 1.5. But then NO ONE should be spending 20. Because I do not see an end to how far one can go and the Indie Films must survive. It is important for all. All the makers and all the audience. Just a question.

I Failed Today

Okay. I failed this Monday. The promise is to write a blog every Monday and Friday but I failed today. Honestly I have nothing against failing. To begin with, it is a proof that you tried. Moreover failures inspire me. I truly treasure failures. Failures are junctures you create that you will potentially smile at in hindsight. you get to smile at your own agony, despair and heartbreak. Which other achievement makes you strong enough to smile at such emotions. To me failures are big achievements. Success is just a celebration of not having failed.
The fact that I ended up writing the six lines above is already giving me a feeling that I haven't failed after all.  Yes I have not written a full fledged Blog but I have managed to write this piece that lingers somewhere between having failed and not. Next four days is the fight to not fail again. We will see if I fail or if I fail to fail. They call it success.
But did I fail this time? I don't know.

इब्तिदा

बुज़ुर्गों ने और ज़्यादा समझदार लोगों ने हमेशा समझाया कि उम्र के हर साल कुछ नया प्रयास किया जाना चाहिए।  उसके दो फायदे हैं, पहला ये कि कुछ नया होने की संभावना बढ़ती है  दूसरा ये कि बाल सुलभता ज़िंदा रहती है।  बहरहाल इस साल का प्रयास ये है।  कुछ सोचा जाएगा लिखित में।  हर सोमवार और शुक्रवार। हिंदी, अंग्रेजी या दोनों तय करना बाक़ी है।